everything is interesting

Day 7 & 8 Project 1

2012-01-08T21:49:00.005Z

Here are yesterday's and today's photos, as I was working all day yesterday and went straight home to Bianca and Chris after work with Thom for some wine and to watch a 2012-documentary. We had such a great time and I even got to see Bianca tap-dance :O !!! She's SO good at it. We took a taxi home, and the taxi driver had some SUPER sour sweets that he gave us.. DISGUSTING! He laughed his ass off at my facil-expressions..

I took no photos whilst being at B's, but I took some detail-photos of our flat and a couple of portraits of Thom.

Today has been as lazy as a Sunday should be. I love that I no longer work Sundays, I get the time to just relax and do nothing. But tomorrow when my loan comes through I'll go and sign up for the gym, so that in the future I can wake up early and do my Sunday gym-sessions; it'll be good to be back in the gym :)

Me and Thom have plans on moving to Vancouver, Canada after my graduation next year, as it is THE place to be as a film maker and artist. I'm really excited about it, as I can't be in one place too long, and from there we can travel over to America easily.

Day 6 Project 1

2012-01-06T23:07:00.006Z

I tried a new iPhone app last night called "Relax" and it's basically a relaxation-programme (you know "get aware of your feet, imagine that they are relaxing, move up through your knees and thighs" and so on), when we were in bed and ready to sleep and it really works! I had such a good nights sleep (which I haven't had in AGES) and felt so well-rested and energetic this morning.

I did it today as well while Thom were at the gym, and had a nice little power-nap :)

We went in to town today to take some photos and to just get out. I was planning on doing some 2012-work when i got back home, like updating the blog and read some more in the books I bought over Christmas, but that never happened. So I feel a little disappointed in myself, but I guess I need to allow myself to just relax and do nothing at least one day a week.

Here are today's photos:

it's weird how I, even though i've only lived in guildford for a couple of months, i don't feel that I can be as creative in the town where I live as I can be somewhere new. we always get homeblind of course, and we take 'home' for granted (but sometimes that can also be an advantage for your creativity, if you flip it around), but as I said, i've only lived here for a couple of months, so my "home-creativity" and exploring-phase should still be fresh. Like, when I was in exeter over christmas I felt that everything I was photographing was interesting and relevant, but now when i'm back home my photographs just feels so boring.

I guess it's my urge of moving around and the need to change location often that's playing tricks in the back of my head.. and I guess I should try and take this creativity-drought to my advantage and make something good and interesting from it. if I can.

Day 5 Project 1

2012-01-05T23:37:00.004Z

My house-husband and the sweetest person in the world was preparing food for me when I came home from work today :D And yesterday he bought a mop and cleaned the whole flat! (Guess how happy I was).

And on top of that, he was wearing a shirt and smart trousers - VERY nice <3

lovelovelove

Day 4 Project 1

2012-01-04T22:47:00.003Z

Only images today :)

Day 3 Project 1

2012-01-03T23:10:00.007Z

It was our last morning in Exeter today, and we took the train back home in the afternoon. It has been so nice and relaxing to be away from work and our damp and cold flat for two weeks but it's kind of nice to be back home :)

Anyway, we woke up to a huge storm today and it felt like our house was under water! And the winds were so strong that people almost fell on to the rails on Exeter station.. I think the storms that Sweden has had recently have "finally" reached England.

My pretty lover :)

Everything was breaking because of the wind, and when we got back to Guildford the roads were blocked because of a tree that had fallen down.

I'm going back to work tomorrow and I can't say that I'm looking forward to it.. I've gotten used to having all this spare time now and it feels so good! I need the money of course but I'd rather have all my spare time to do photography-related things.

Day 2 of the 1st project!

2012-01-02T21:54:00.018Z

I forced Thom out of bed early this morning to go for a walk (hehe) as a start of our new and healthy life. It felt good, and we had a nice breakfast after wards.
(click on the images to see them in a larger size)

Later on in the afternoon we went in to town for a coffee and to pay a visit to the Exeter Cathedral. It's a huge and a thousand (!!!) year old building. It was so pretty, and they had guide books in Swedish ;D

A photo of me by Thom :)

Tomorrow I'll also have a interview with Thom to accompany the images :)

Day 1 of the 1st project!

2012-01-01T20:08:00.006Z

We have not been doing anything else but sleeping and watching TV today, and it has been incredibly relaxing and nice to allow ourselves to do that (we rarely get a chance to).
The only effort we've made was to walk to King Kebab to get some food, and so that I could take some photos of Thom to start off the project which simply includes taking one or more photos of Thom every day for a month.
I decided to do new projects each month this year, so hopefully I'll have a nice and big collection of photos at the end of the year.
I won't promise that I'll stick to the "rules" with the projects though, as I will be very busy with both uni and work and probably won't have time to do them all.
But I will try.

Anyway, here's today's work which turned into a little mini-series.
Enjoy, and as usual, please leave your comments :)

Some 2011-flashbacks

2011-12-31T17:40:00.031Z

I haven't really done anything like this before, but since 2011 was a very strange year with lotsof good and bad things happening I thought it was a good idea to kind of look back at it all andmake new solutions and wishes for 2012.

1. My Work

I started the year by winning a competition that Professional Photographer Magazine held, andgot the chance to go to London Fashion Week and photograph the Jaeger LondonSpring/Summer 2011 show which was fun and insightful. I realised that it's nothing that I wouldlike to pursue a career in, but it was a very good experience and good for my portfolio.

I did a lot of other commissioned shoots for various people (designers, singers, companies etc.),and earned a few dollars which is always good and welcome, but most importantly I got moreexperience and an expanded portfolio. I especially enjoyed the shoot for London ChessboxingClub as I'd never been to a boxing match before and I got some really nice photos from it. I alsogot the chance to shoot my first wedding, after which I again realised that it's not something Iwant to do again in the future, but it paid me good and I enjoy the result.

My friends from Shallow Sense used 3 of my photos for their new album which I was very happyabout as their music is great! Check them out here http://www.shallowsense.com/wordpress/

I made my debut as a cinematographer for our film Delays Expected which was a funexperience.

And I did lots of personal shoots as well during 2011 (mostly with Nicole as my model) and a fewuni projects which I am very pleased with.

2. Other stuff that happened!

We went to Berlin with uni for a study trip! It was an experience, but not for me. Maybe if I gothere again with my heart in it I might change my mind.

We had lots and lots of BBQ's!

I started working at Subway.

I visited Exeter for the first time!

We had a major drama in our house, and the police was involved and it was all very weird.

So me and Thom packed our bags and moved to Guildford!

Nicole came and visited us in our new flat!

And me and Thom also celebrated 2 years together <3

My lovely friend Madeleine came to stay with us for a week as well!

And last but not least, I spent Christmas and now New Year's away from Sweden and my family for the first time EVER. It has been a bit sad and I've been very homesick, but I have been enjoying my time away from "reality" with Thom for a few weeks. LOVE!

That was my 2011. I am hoping for a 2012 with lots of new opportunities and happiness. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all.

faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2011-12-06T22:47:00.003Z

How do I find the courage to get where I want to be? How do I let those fears that holds me back, go? There seems to be an neverending line of obstacles that I never seem to get through..

Opportunity after opportunity springs up, but there is ALWAYS something that keeps me from taking it.

I keep on working hard, and I take some chances, but it NEVER seems to be good enough.

I feel like a caged bird.. Money, time, a never ending flow of inspiration..

Featured on IdeasTap website

2011-10-22T02:12:00.001+01:00

So IdeasTap just featured me in one of their articles with these lovely words:

"Beyond collective events, there is a whole host of dedicated members demonstrating – through their portfolios – creative, compelling photography. There’s enough quality here to keep any photography fan surfing the site for weeks. Here are some highlights:
First, Sabina Hannila weighs in with an impressive 19,501 activity points. Her portfolio demonstrates as broad a range as one could hope for from a photographer, from headshots to conceptual work to documentary. Her depiction of London through refections - in glass, puddles, car windows - is a simple idea with a stunning outcome."

A very happy surprise -something I badly needed today :)

http://ideastap.com

blah

2011-10-21T23:48:00.002+01:00

i am completely exhausted.
i haven't had the time to take care of myself in so long.
all of my projects and essays seems to be going nowhere.
i am trapped in a weird state of mind and i can't seem to get out.
i hate my job.
i have become one of those people who only works for the money because i need it
so that i will be able to do what i love and yet comes out feeling nothing.
i am exhausted and frustrated and empty.

i want so bad to keep up to all the standards i've set up for myself and others,
but it seems to just bite me in the butt.
and it angers me that i overwork myself and still don't feel the satisfaction that i need and want.

RANT! RANT! RANT! RANT! RANT!

nothing but ranting. and crying. and screaming. and self-pity.
pathetic, that's what it is.

urgh.

when is life ever going to run smooth, only for a while? enough for me to pick myself up again...

Time to get serious.

2011-09-21T22:31:00.003+01:00

With a full-time uni course to finish, a part-time job to keep, personal projects and all the other goodies that life brings (partner, family, friends, wine, SLEEP), the time has come where I have to keep reminding myself that I can't go to the pub every night, or watch movie after movie..

It is time to get serious! It is time to open up all the 100's of books we need to read, dust off the camera, excercise and sleep.

I feel ready and am very positive about this year, but I.am.KNACKERED! Already, hah. I guess it's just a matter of adjusting to getting up earlier and having things to do all the time, but it's tiring. AND it's getting dark faster now, and that doesn't help. So I'm stuffing myself with fruit smoothies and vitamines all the time, just to keep me going.

And now, as I said, it's time to start excercising as well. Because believe it or not, if you're feeling tired and don't think you can manage another hour of essay-research; go out for a run! Or a powerwalk. That will wake you up and get you going for another couple of hours. I promise :)

That's that, back to work.

The photo that I took for our summer project :)

It starts now!

2011-09-16T16:31:00.002+01:00

First day in uni was interesting. I bought the biggest sketchbook for one of the units, so I'll start researching tonight (as I found all the unit handbooks on myUCA). Collected my work from last year which is now up on our walls in the livingroom - it almost looks like a gallery in here now with all my photos and photobooks :)

Had a brief chat with some of the lovely people I've missed all this summer (one of which is getting a feature on the blog soon because she's so lovely and supporting and inspiring and just an amazing person - Bobyn I love you!).

I'll try and finish off some photos from the chessboxing event tonight as well and post them on here and on my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sabina-Hannila-Photography/82377434805?ref=ts ) :)

:D

2011-09-15T23:39:00.002+01:00

I've had a VERY good day today: returned my printer and got a new one that works perfectly, had the best coffee and chat in ages with Bianca (I feel SO much better now after our little chat), made Thom a lovely dinner and gave him a present, went to the pub for open mic night and now just chill before uni tomorrow.

All I need now is a sunny holiday, and then I'll be ready to welcome the new academic year as a photography student!

Morning!

2011-09-15T08:07:00.002+01:00

Uni starts tomorrow, finally! Going to prepare for it today and exchange my new printer for another one, because the print head in the one i've got now is broken, and I'm also going to buy some new sketchbooks and start reasearching :)

I'm meeting Bianca soon for a coffee to discuss some business ;) - that should be good for both our creativity and wallets!

I'm getting a lot of requests for paid photoshoots from people as well, which is good! I finally feel like I have all the right to charge for my photography, especially if people are asking me.

I'm trying my best to come back to life after a year of closing myself in - it's tough as people aren't that willing to understand why I did it, and in a way I can understand them.. I hope they will understand though, I don't think that any of us are prepared to lose one another.

Anyway, a lot of projects are coming my way and it feels good to get busy with photography again! Still editing photos from last weekends chessboxing match, but will hopefully be able to show yo some photos at the end of today :)

STRESS

2011-09-13T20:54:00.003+01:00

Uni hasn't even started yet but I'm already stressing about EVERYTHING; marks, certain people, money, ideas etc.

I am one step ahead though as I've already started researching for our new units, planning some shoots for ideas I have, buying sketchbooks and notepads and a new external harddrive - it's mainly the people-part that bugs me the most.

After living here for 2 years I've had some pretty rotten people around me, and now when I've finally decided to take them out of my life I'm a little bit worried that it's going to backfire.. It's not that I don't think that I made the right decision, it's the fact that those people are so immature and probably will shit-talk me to other people - that's what worries me! I'm trying not to think about it, and not to let them bother me, but it's quite hard in such a small town.

What I'll try to do though is to concentrate on my uni work and personal projects - and the people that I actually love and like to be around! :)

This summer project that I should be doing...

2011-09-02T00:53:00.003+01:00

Isn't going all that well..

I need to "re-create" another photo/still from a film/painting/album cover etc... Might sound easy, but there are som much to choose from! And I have had NO time to even begin to think about it.

I have a few images in mind though, but now I have about 2 weeks left to do them and that feels like an awful small amount of time.

I should just do it I guess. But all my projects seems to be too big for the time-span I have, and my economy just isn't enough.

Thom has got a job now though, YAY, with me at Subway! So that should give us some extra money to spend each month :))))) And if I manage to sell some of my books on Blurb, that'll give me some extra cash as well for all my projects!

(Please buy some here:

Heartbeats by Sabina Hannila | Make Your Own Book

The wonders of Tim Walker.

2011-09-01T01:29:00.007+01:00

http://www.timwalkerphotography.com/

hskhunrwkrhkf

2011-08-28T10:20:00.003+01:00

I can't wait for uni to start! The new units seem interesting, and I've already begun my research haha!
Me and a girl from work were saying yesterday how our job just makes us.. numb! It doesn't make us think, and is not very inspiring.
And I can really feel how I'm becoming a robot at work, and I'm too tired to do anything creative when I come home.
But I will get on to it! I still have the summer project to do, and I haven't chosen a photo/still/painting to re-create yet!

I am far from free.

2011-08-26T21:51:00.004+01:00

I have forgotten everything I used to yearn for..
I used to dream about sitting on the top of a mountain in Scotland and look at the sky and breathe the fresh air,
and go to a live gig with Sigur Rós out in the Icelandic wilderness,
and wake up really early to take in the Swedish sunrise a Midsummer morning again,
and swim naked in a cold spring in the deep Nordic forests,
and take all this inspiration with me and make something fantastic.

But I haven't done anything of the above, and I never dream about things like this
anymore. All it's about now is money, getting good grades, keeping the few close friends I have, arguing with the internet connection or landlord, or finding a job that won't make my life miserable..
None of which inspires me. And this is how it is, day in and day out.

Somedays I just want to say "fuck it!" and stop caring about everything and everyone else and just do what I feel like doing, without caring about the consequences; spend all my money on a trip to anywhere and meet new people and see new places, get a hotel room somewhere and lock myself in it with no means of communication to anyone and write, take photos, and do some amazing artwork, get really drunk on wine and be artificially happy but truly believe in it, sleep how much I want without feeling stressed, never talk about weight and calories again...

I just want to make my art.

London Calling!

2011-08-11T21:26:00.001+01:00

So today me and Thom went into London to pay Tate Modern and the Imperial War Museum a visit.
At the Tate we saw the Diane Arbus exhibition, and her work is always inspiring in the way she portrays people - it's bald and very personal. It amazes me how close she actually got to her subjects.
We also saw 'Photography - New Documentary Forms' which also was interesting and very relevant to all the current political events and riots that's going on in the world.
And luckily for me the exhibition 'Poetry and Dream' ,which is devoted to the greatest surrealists of all time, was still showing. I saw some great paintings by artists I'm currently reading, and it was very inspiring to walk around such amazing art and read about the artists.

At the Imperial War Museum we walked around old army tanks, missiles and submarines, and even got to walk through a old plane! We also saw the Holocaust exhibition which was as sad, sickening and totally unbelievable as you can imagine. They showed a film of one of Hitler's speeches, and he was a VERY powerful man. But as always with men with too much power, they go crazy and abuse it to the fullest - they become insane with power, and see nothing but themselves as worthy. The scariest part of it all is that he truly and devotedly believed that he and his followers were the only people worth walking on this earth. Those who opposed him were vermin that should be dealt with in ways that kept them away forever.

The Imperial War Museum

New Documentary Forms

Diane Arbus (you should all watch the fictional portrait of her and her life. It's a film called "Fur" with Nicole Kidman as Diane).

Poetry and Dream exhibition. 'Sleeping Venus' by Paul Delvaux

Happy days.

2011-08-10T19:48:00.001+01:00

I love living in Guildford. Everything is so close; all the shops, all the restaurants, the train station, London (it only takes 30minutes by train to Waterloo!!). Went shopping yesterday for the first time since last August, and me and Thom are going to go into London tomorrow and first see the Diane Arbus exhibition at Tate Modern (and of course also pay a visit to their exceptional book store) and after that go to the Imperial War Museum. It will be a good day :)

We are keeping ourselves entertained the best we can as we still haven't got any Internet in our flat, and I have to admit that I think it's lovely! We've got so much done, and I feel more creative now than what I've felt in months! I'm currently reading a lot about Surrealism as it has always interested me, and my personal work always tend to be a bit surrealistic, just to have a reference for my future uni work. I'm also reading Freud's Dream Psychology, and it ties in a lot with Surrealism.

I'm preparing as much as possible for uni now, I can't wait to get all the new briefs and get busy creating again!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

"Friends"

2011-08-09T02:09:00.001+01:00

It's time for some severe bridge burning.
I am DEAD tired of having to think about others before myself - it will all end now. It always seems ok for others to go about their business and do what they need to do, even if it means to sacrifice some social time. But not for me. I seem to be the shittiest friend if I do that.

It is true that I have not been very social for the last year, but I have a few GOOD reasons for that:
- University. Enough said really. It takes TIME. Especially if you're serious about it.
- No money. I lived off a student loan which I had to pay tuition fees, rent, bills and food with. I lived off my credit card for a while because I didn't have any money. I had to borrow a lot of money from my family to be able to survive, until I got a job.
- I work all the time to be able to survive.
- I have personal projects I need to sort out, because, it's what I do! Photography is my passion and it's what I love for.
And people get annoyed because I can't go out every week, or be around all the time. I prioritize my work because I plan on living off it in the future.

But I'm always there if people need to talk. I listen and I try to help. And I put off as much time as I can and have the energy to. And still people pester me about it.
I really don't have any energy left... I'm going to do what I want and need to, and I hope that people will start to understand that I don't do it to be mean, I do it because I have to and because I want to.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I couldn't be happier!

2011-07-31T22:00:00.001+01:00

I'm dead tired after 4 murderous days at work, but despite my sore legs and tired feet I'm gonna start packing up and clean out my room!
Tomorrow we're going into town to get some essentials for the first week (borrowed a coffee machine from work haha) and clean all our clothes, aaaaaand on Tuesday morning we move in!!! :D Happy happy happy!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Growing up.

2011-07-28T10:21:00.001+01:00

I have always moved around a lot in my life, with my parents, grandparents, and now on my own. I always get restless and bored of one place very quickly, and always dream of some other place. I used to be like that in relationships as well.

But Thom has made me think differently about all of that, and as long as he's there I want to be there.

We got the contract for our 1 bedroom flat yesterday and it feels very exciting and lovely and wonderful and aaaaaaaaaamazing! :D Come visit us in Guildford.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

X

2011-07-26T14:38:00.006+01:00

I've had a lovely two days.

Yesterday after work, I came home and watched two movies with my favourite and ordered

some Chinese to go with it, plus some wine; win!

We were gonna drink our wine in the garden, but the wasps were to aggressive so we went back inside.

And today we went in to town to pay rent and Thom handed in a CV to Subway. We bought some pick n' mix and sushi and took a walk through the park and had our lunch on a bench with a lovely view.

Nej tack.

2011-07-25T20:25:00.002+01:00

Det uppskattas inte när "vänner" snackar skit om en för att manipulera andra att få en

särskild bild utav mig som kanske inte alls stämmer.

Det hatas för mycket och det är för mycket avundsjuka. Bara sluta.

Lucky.

2011-07-25T08:53:00.004+01:00

Good morning.

It's a beautiful day and I feel so lucky for everything I have in my life.

The news are packed with horrific stories from survivors in Norway, and photos

of crying family memebers and friends of the dead. It hurts to read about it and

to see the images, and I can't help but wish for a life in darkness for Anders Behring Breivik..

He doesn't deserve to sleep, or eat, or see the light of day. He is a sick man, and

he should be punished for the rest of his life.

Not just because he killed 94 innocent people, but also because of his right-wing extremist

opinions that make another few million people in this world not worth their lives (in his opinion).

Love to Norway, I will have a minute of silence today to honor all the people who died that day.

Love to all my friends and family in Norway and Sweden and England and wherever they may be.

All my love to Norway

2011-07-24T10:26:00.007+01:00

The following images are taken from www.dn.se (Swedish newspaper).

Shitty shit

2011-07-23T14:25:00.001+01:00

It's horrifying when you read in the Swedish news about what's going on in Norway ATM, and it reminds me of the shootings in columbine.. 84 murdered children and youths so far, and they're still looking.
And I'm worried about their friends and families as well as my own friends and family..

How can someone be so SICK??
That I'll never get in to my head...

On top of that, I'm having a shit day myself. More lies are being digged up, and I can't take it anymore.

Someone please take me to tranquility and sunshine.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wedding Photography

2011-07-22T10:46:00.013+01:00

I really want to get in to wedding photography after seeing so many creative photographers doing what they do best at a wedding, and I just want to create, create, create!

The problem is though that all wedding photographers out there are looking for experienced assistants, and since I've never done a wedding before I'm not exactly suitable..

Where are all wedding photographers who might consider an unexperienced photographer as an assistant? Or even just let me come along and see how he/she's working, and try out a little bit of photography in the background?

The above photos are taken by Swedish photographer and one of my favourite artists Evelina Hultqvist (check out her website, her photography is amazing!).

I found these images on Eveline's blog, but neither her or me knows who took these wonderful wedding portraits - so, if anyone of you knows please let me know!

Northern Women in Chanel

2011-07-21T22:55:00.006+01:00

Photographs by Peter Farago

Exhibition at Fotografiska in Stockholm.

Dreaming away

2011-07-21T17:12:00.001+01:00

Work is really slow and I just got here! I'm dreaming about autumn and uni work and wine-nights and me and Thom's 2 year anniversary when we're doing something special for just us two :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Inspiration post

2011-07-21T10:28:00.006+01:00

I'm having this in our new flat!

Romantic stuff, that somehow always reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.

I'm going to join a Wicca coven and make some magic.

I also want a sofa in my garden.

Fruit fruit fruit.

Sorry, but I have no idea where the images come from. If you know, please let me know :)

Everyday life in a student house

2011-07-21T10:15:00.002+01:00

Someone steals your milk, everyday, but never confesses even though I know who it was.
The spiders take over your bathroom, and your shoes, and sometimes your clothes.
You are never alone, which is both good and bad.
There's a rubbish bag in the corner of your living room because the person who filled it up couldn't be bothered to walk the extra 5 meters and put it in the bin.

These are things that annoys me this morning. And that my Sabina-time was disturbed.

Luckily, I am moving in to a fresh and clean flat very very soon, and I can't wait! As it's only going to be me and T living there no one can steal our food or milk, and everything will be so much easier to keep clean.

And I won't have to feel bad about not doing the dishes straight after I've eaten.

I must be psychic or something...

2011-07-20T21:51:00.001+01:00

About an hour before I left work I got a really weird feeling that something bad was going to happen on my way home. A "vision" of cars passing by honking and people trying to be funny by screaming at you also appeared in my mind.. So when I was by the Albion I asked if Thom could come and meet me because I felt really uneasy. And what do you know, 1 car honking and another one with screaming people. Very funny. I met with Thom at the garage quite close to our house, and then, while walking towards our house, a car drives VERY close to the sidewalk and its wingmirror hits my arm! Ouch you stupid person, my arm REALLY hurts now...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Work work work

2011-07-20T10:35:00.003+01:00

Morning Glory

2011-07-20T08:52:00.001+01:00

The mornings are my time. No one else is awake and everything is quiet. I can eat my breakfast, read the paper, plan my day, do some exercise without disturbance.
But this is why I love waking up:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Something for just ME.

2011-07-20T00:31:00.002+01:00

Where in the world can I find a place for myself, that is just mine???!!
I need one SO badly.. Somewhere to retreat to when I feel trapped and confused and when I just want to scream and break down and break away and do all the things I can only do when I'm alone..

Like singing wholeheartedly, or listen to my own music, or cry for no reason, or write down ideas and dreams without being disturbed by a TV or the clicking on a computer keyboard, or someone saying my name..

Before I came to England in 2009, and when I imagened how it would be to go to uni, I saw myself sitting in a attic studio flat with a big skylight where I could sit and do all those things I just mentioned.
And where I could set up my home studio and just create.. All day and all night. It would have its own coffee machine and editing suite and flowers and candles on the floor, and no one could come up there unless I invited them.

Something for just ME.

At the moment it feels like I'm working for everyone else but myself, all the money I earn, all the photos I take, every word I speak are for someone else.

That is NOT a life for me.

Andas, jag vill bara andas.. Ikväll.

Harry P.

2011-07-19T19:29:00.001+01:00

Me, Thom and Ozzie are taking a road trip to Guildford to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - a little bit sad, but all good has to come to and end. Gonna have a Harry Potter marathon soon me thinks!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Trying out my new reflectors!

2011-07-19T13:12:00.006+01:00

I bought a set of 5-in-1 reflectors the other day from eBay (you should all click the link and buy some, they're only £9.99!!!) and tried them out today.

They're really good to bring with you on shoots to enhance the eyes and get rid of shadows, or just reduce the available light.

Here's a few images I took today!

Gold reflector.

White reflector to reduce the harsh sunlight.

I'm gonna need Thom to assist me on shoots now as I can't hold the reflector AND take photos at the same time!

Silver reflector.

And this last images I just took for the pleasure of taking photos, as I haven't been doing so for at least two weeks :'(

Mobile blogging - test!

2011-07-18T17:36:00.001+01:00

Just trying my new iPhone app :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Feelings, philosophy and photography

2011-07-13T22:44:00.003+01:00

It is interesting how another person can have such a hold of you,

almost as if they own a part of you. A small part, but it feels so big

because you are a small part of eachother.

It hurts a little when you realise how much you love that person because

you have so much to lose.

And every single tune that touches your soul feels like one big soundtrack

to these feelings you hold inside of you..

Everything feels so good at the moment. But I am so filled up by all of this

and I have forgotten how to let it all out. I used to let the camera do the work

when I felt like this, but after being in uni for 2 years it all feels so complicated..

It is as if I have to think really hard about what I am photographing, or else it

won't be as good - It is as if people are going to look at me like I am crazy if I

can't explain where my picture language is coming from.

Like I have a clue of where all my feelings are coming from?!?! How the hell am

I supposed to explain all of my photos I take, just because I feel like it??

I guess this is just another mind-trick that my brain is playing, it is actually ME

who have convinced myself that I am not good enough if I can't explain myself.

As if I've told myself that a certain style of photography isn't worthy as ART if it

doesn't have meaning or reason.

I am setting up boundaries for myself because I'm scared of being ridculed.

I think it's time for me to go back in time a little bit, and remember how photography

was when I just started out; it was new, and I took photos of EVERYTING I found

pretty or things I wanted to remember forever. I chose the most obvious and simple

ways of doing things, and I was creative in my way of solving problems.

Now it's like I don't have time to be creative, I just need to get the job done.

I don't want that. I want my personal creativity to come back.

Shameless Promotion: Thomas Northrop

2011-07-12T18:05:00.002+01:00

Filmmaker and producer Thomas Northrop is the hardest working person I've met. If something needs to be done, he does it and more! He's the producer who bangs on your door until you're awake, he's the producer who sorts out all the phonecalls, castings, coffee making, well everything a producer does and more.

He has produced some pretty awesome shorts and won't settle for "that's good enough".

Delays Expected Teaser Trailer from Thomas Northrop on Vimeo.

Donny from Thomas Northrop on Vimeo.

He always pushes to get the best people on board to make the film as good as it can be, always with perfect result.

I also have the privilege to live and love with him and I am extremely proud to be a part of his life.

Shameless Promotion: Bianca Jenkins

2011-07-10T10:34:00.008+01:00

Soo, I'm starting this new thing here in the blog where I'll promote artists whom I admire,

starting with a really good friend of mine, Bianca Jenkins .

She is one of the strongest people I know, and her strength, beauty and determination shows in her work.

These images I'm showing you are some of my favorites from her gallery of neverending beauty and lightplay, mixed with soft romantic colours and interesting shapes and compositions that can't do anything else but have you look at them for hours.

I strongly recommend that you have a look at her series 'Tommy' - another good example of her skill and eye for light and shape.

Delays Expected Teaser Trailer

2011-07-10T10:21:00.002+01:00

My debut as a cinematographer! Please click this link http://www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/film/1577/delays-expected to watch the full video, and then "like" under the film if you like it for our chance to win Virgin Media Shorts 2011 :)

Delays Expected Teaser Trailer from Thomas Northrop on Vimeo.

The 365 project - Day 9

2011-07-08T23:32:00.004+01:00

A painful day - SO sore after my little garden workout yesterday!! Can't sit down properly, my legs hurt too much haha. But at least that means it's working :)

Slow day at work, I was dead and in my own little world and just wanted to go home and sleep. But when i finally got home I watched The Lost Boys with Thom instead.

We're moving in to our new flat soon, and I can't wait! Our own little one bedroom flat. We have big plans for it ;D EXCITING!

The 365 Project - Day 8

2011-07-07T23:27:00.003+01:00

I am DEAD! Woke up early to start some editing of old photos that my aunt wanted to see of her beautiful children (see the photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sabinahannila/sets/72157627013822831/ ) because she wants to buy some prints! (If you want to buy some prints as well, email me at sabinahannila@gmail.com for prices and sizes).

Went to work for a couple of hours, it was pretty chill. Not busy at all, and we got a lot done.

And when I got back home I did a work out in my garden. I feel so stupid, I've lived in this house for almost a year and now when I'm moving in a month I realize that I don't have to walk up to the park to go for a run and a workout, I can just run a few laps around my block and do some strength in my GARDEN! Lol. It's good to be close to home when you're coming home late from work and you want to do a workout, I don't feel very safe running around in the park all alone late at night.

Also, here's a link to my and Thom's short film 'Delays Expected':

http://www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/film/1577/delays-expected?fb_ref=.ThOZ36Wl93M.like&fb_source=profile_oneline

Please click the link and have a look. it's about racism in the UK, and we've entered it to Virgin Media Shorts. Please "like" the film on the Virgin Media site to help us win awesome prices!

EL ESTILO Magazine

2011-07-07T11:58:00.003+01:00

My work is featured in the latest issue of EL ESTILO Magazine! This feels awesome, my first magazine feature. Here's a link to it: http://www.elestilo.co.uk/

And these are the two featured images:

New tactics!

2011-07-07T11:37:00.004+01:00

So, instead of moaning and feel jealous about everyone elses success, I'm going to turn that in to inspiration and motivation! And learn that I actually am pretty successful when you look at it :)

*positive thinking*

I start work at 5pm today, only working 3 hours! And what is up with Flickr recently?? I can't upload images that are over 1MB in size, and it won't let me mass upload anymore (and I have a pro account)!?! Very frustrating..

And that was today's LDC problem.

Btw..

2011-07-07T09:37:00.001+01:00

The ads showing on my blog ATM I've put there to earn some money (everytime someone clicks on the ads I get some money).

Just so you know - I know it looks tacky, but it's for a good cause :)

The 365 project - Day 7

2011-07-06T22:40:00.002+01:00

I went out for a run today in Farnham Park and got company in the shape of a roe deer - it was a little bit funny, because just before i got to the park I got an image in my head of a deer jumping out of a bush right in front of me, and then it happened.

Anyway, while I was running I started to think about where I am at with my photography career, and life in general, and I realised that I would've wanted to achieve so much more by this time in my life. It's silly to think like this as I still have the rest of my life to get where I want to be. But I feel so stressed when I see all these other photographers and artists that have just turned 18 and already travel around the world doing what they love, being sponsored by Canon, and with no money-problems.

They have worked bloody hard to get where they are, and I like to think that I also work BLOODY hard to get anywhere. I am NOT complaining about my life FYI, I am just saying that I need a breakthrough. I'm not just sitting and waiting for it, I am working everyday for it to come. So hopefully it will :)

These thoughts brought me back to June 2009 when I left Sweden to go on my first-ever holiday by myself. I went to Edinburgh (the city of my dreams!) and explored the city by myself. I had been there a couple of times before as my dad used to live and work there, but it was such a big step for me to do this all by myself as I used to be afraid of sitting in the school cafeteria and eat alone :p

And I miss that exciting time, when I'd got accepted into uni in England, and I wanted to try out how it would be to be in a city where I don't know anyone beforehand, and the anticipation and dreams of how everything would turn out to be.

And the great part is that I still remember that feeling of being somewhere new. You know when you go someplace, and how you perceived it then? I still remember how Farnham used to look to me when I didn't know my way around it.

And I need those memories, because at the moment I have a hard time getting excited about stuff. I don't know why. but I want to get excited again!

So today's photo is from when I went to Edinburgh in 2009, of a street musician I listened too for a little while.

Thoughts on the photography internet community

2011-07-05T21:55:00.003+01:00

I have been stressing myself for years by thinking that I HAVE to update my blog/various portfolios online all the time to get anywhere with my photography; to build up a fanbase.

And it's true how far you can go from being active on the internet: you gain a broader audience quicker, you can enter competitions easily and get access to other people's work for inspiration.

But I have also been thinking of quitting my online-submissions completely for a while, and just take a break from the internet world and get inspiration from other things. Like real life, and really take the time to go through all my photos and analyze and criticise.

Because think about it, all the time that I spend on Facebook, deviantArt, blogging etc., is time that I could use for being out and taking photos, learning new stuff about my camera, go to exhibitions and just think things over in my own time instead of chasing constructive criticism from others.

I'll always use this space (the internet), because i think it's great that there's an easy and free way of getting noticed, but I've missed to just be alone with my thoughts and photos. I'm still going to write, but in a privet journal. And I'm also going to start to print out my photos and put in photo albums or make pretty books and sell, instead of trying to sell prints.

The 365 project - Day 6

2011-07-05T21:26:00.003+01:00

I decided to move the project over to this blog instead, it feels much better :)

It's been raining quite a lot today, so this photo is of.. rain! I took it last week, but it doesn't really matter. I didn't want to put my camera through that experience again, it got all wet :s

These are the days when I wish I had lots of money and could go somewhere warm and sunny.. Like Morocco or Jamaica or Florida. It would be the dream! And think of all the photography opportunities! I would be in my dreamworld.

It's such a shame..

2011-07-05T19:43:00.003+01:00

...that one person can have the power to make you feel so small and un-welcome.

Not pleasant at all.

I was really looking forward to it, and now I'm back here.

I hope that one day I can look past all of that and be strong and confident enough not to let other people take me down.

Summer rain

2011-07-05T18:16:00.002+01:00

Sitting here drinking coffee and waiting for it to stop raining so that I can go and see some dear friends I haven't seen since May or something. Just for a little bit, they're going in to town and I have no money :'(

Instead I'm going to spend this evening with Ben&Jerry's and newTrue Blood (season 4 YEAH!!).

So many thoughts.

2011-07-05T11:50:00.005+01:00

I have so many ideas, and so much I would like to do, but I can't organise my thoughts and there are not enough hours in one day.

So I usually end up doing none of them. I really need an assistant, someone to follow me around everywhere I go and write down all the stuff I say I want to do and all the ideas I have.

That would be good :)

Here are some oldie-goldies for you:

Dreamland

2011-07-05T01:34:00.002+01:00

Good night!

Starting your own buisness

2011-07-05T00:53:00.002+01:00

I'm seriously thinking of starting my own buisness in the near future and need to get into all the stuff that comes with it:

1) What sort of business (something to do with photography ofc, but more specifically).

2) How to actually do it!

3) Who to turn to for free councelling.

4) Someone to help me plan a budget.

If anyone have any good tips or advice, I would really appreciate it :)

I'm alive!!

2011-07-04T22:19:00.008+01:00

Hello m'dears,I have neglected this blog for SO long, but have now decided to come back. I've started a million other blogs in the past couple of months, but none of them feels any good.. Apart from my research blog (which you can find here: https://sabinahannilablog.wordpress.com/ ).

I have also re-started the 365 project; I kinnda failed on my first attempt, but hav

e now decided to start it again :)

Not much have happened really since my last blog post, photography-wise I mean. I'm still waiting for the Magnum and IdeasTap Award shortlist to be announced (it's been 2 months since the deadline!!!!) and I'm working on some ideas atm which I'm hoping to photograph ASAP.

I would LOVE to hear what you would like to read about in this blog! What about my blog do you like the most? Anything you want to see more of?

Until next time, here are my 5 first photos from the 365 project:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

CV Writing Tips

2011-05-29T17:53:00.000+01:00

CV Writing Tips

red wine and stuff

2011-04-24T23:31:00.002+01:00

it is weird how you grow apart, how people stop talking to you like they used to, how we assume things about eachother and how lonely this can make you feel.
sometimes i am content with being a lone wolf who doesn't particularly like to party and dance,
i am someone who favours sitting at home with a couple of friends (or alone) with some red wine and music.

a night like that can keep me going for a couple of weeks,

until loneliness catches up with me and i realise that maybe i should go out more, or maybe i should speak to my friends more;
because i get so caught up with my work that i forget to call my friends or family.
i shut everything and everyone out, because i need the solitude. i can't work if i'm not at peace in my mind.

i guess it is a defense mechanism; as soon as you step out of your room, the world swallows you with all its problems and i can't deal with it if i have something i need to do.

i feel selfish very often. because i'm thinking "how does everyone else manage to stay in touch with all their friends and family all the time, AND manage to work at the same time??"

it's not that hard for many and you might think it is a silly question to ask.. but i am so passionate about my work, and i'm striving to reach my goals which takes so much time.

some of you will understand, but i have people around me that don't. and it makes me feel like a horrible person.
people around me have become strangers to me because of this.

i know it will be OK one day. i guess it is always hard to dream and work to reach your goals. you will always doubt yourself, people will get angry with you because you're working so hard for yourself. which i really don't understand why, hence this rant, but i hope that one day people will understand me and see that i did this for ME.

365

2011-04-04T20:38:00.002+01:00

My 365 project has kind of died out.. Mostly because I have no time to be creative outside of uni and my other personal projects, so the photos that I posted for this project were mostly snapshots of my everyday life - which wasn't my intention.

So, instead I'll try to do 1 creative shoot a MONTH instead and see how that goes.

I do have some new stuff that I want to show you, but I'll do that this weekend or so.
Until then, I'll most likely just blog whenever I feel like it. That works better for me :)

76

2011-03-20T01:50:00.002Z

Woke up at 5am to do a test shoot for my self-directed project. Thom was kind enough to help me out :))
This is basically how the final prints will look like, minus the clothes (model's will only wear jeans, and a wig so that no personal features are visible) and i'm going to find another chair to use. The models's backs will be facing the camera as well, so you won't know who the model is.

I had my tutorial a few hours later, and it went well - it helped me sort out some problems i've had with this project. Did research after that, and in the evening I helped out Thom and the 'Dear Ana' crew to sell raffle tickets at the SU.

EXHAUSTED when we came back home!

75

2011-03-20T01:46:00.003Z

I don't have ANYTHING exciting to say about today, so instead I'll show you a photo of the most important person in my life :)))

74

2011-03-20T01:39:00.002Z

I really suck at this. Blogging I mean. But at least I've been taking photos everyday. I'm just too busy to upload them and sit down and write.

Anyway, this day me and Ozzie had a well-deserved wine night. We finished off two bottles of red wine and i-don't-know-how-many-hours of talking.
it was nice, we don't do that very often anymore.

we got nostalgic and talked about last year when we lived on campus and had Lady Gaga-nights ALL the time, when we used to sing, drink and look at fat hairy men at Chat Roulette.. Good times.
It's funny that we live in the same house this year, but still we see eachother less than we did last year when we didn't live together.

73

2011-03-15T00:15:00.002Z

Only I and T knows what this symbolize, and I won't tell you what, but it's of great importance to me and says alot about us and humanity overall.

I am so tired at the moment (as usual) and get even more tired when I look inside my journal and see how much it is that I need to do before the end of this semester. GOSH!

I like being busy, but it would be nice to get some time to breathe :)

I need a job. Desperately. I've applied for a couple in Guildford, and will hand in some CV's tomorrow as well - hopefully I'll get one of them before summer! Need a job over the summer as well, so I can afford to go home for a week or two.

72

2011-03-14T00:09:00.004Z

Spring is here, and it's lovely! :)

That's all I have to say today really. I love all the colours everywhere, and as soon as the sun comes out I'm like a totally different person - so happy and bubbly! Sun, please come out more.

71

2011-03-13T23:59:00.002Z

Fun times in the tube.

Had a brilliant night out in London!
Went in for 5pm to meet Thom at Waterloo. Then went off to Covent Garden and 'Foundation' to meet the 'Dear Ana' crew (Dear Ana is a film directed by Kayleigh Carroll, produced by Thomas Northrop and Sofia Lahmann and it's about anorexia. You all shoul click this link and donate. $2 is all you need to give - every penny counts!).

They were supposed to meet with the woman who gave them permission to have a fundraising event at 'Foundation' , but she wasn't there and none seemed to know who she was. Very strange and bizarre, but I suppose that you'll come across these things all the time when you work in the industry.
We got a free bottle of wine nonetheless, and then we moved on - the Fundraising event that turned into a pub crawl.

I had lots of fun (finally we got our night out in London that we've been talking about so long!) but got teally tired and emotional at the end of it, hehe.

70

2011-03-13T23:54:00.002Z

What a day this was.
I knew that something was coming, I haven't been in the best mood this week.
And it all came down like a bomb today. Or I just felt so tired and stressed that it seemed more serious than it really was.
But it kept me in a bad mood for hours nevertheless.

Had a good workout with Nicole and a nice dinner & movie at hers <3
It's weird how we never see eachother anymore.. We need to change that!

69

2011-03-13T22:58:00.004Z

Someone left their jacket.

Sorry for the lack of updates, but Thom has had my camera and USB cable for a few days (he's using it to shoot a documentary), but now I'm back on track!

This wasn't a very exciting day. This whole week has been like a black hole, and it has just drained me completely; it's like my whole body's feeling that something is happening.
I did have a successful tutorial though, but not a very successful workshop - I didn't know where the room was and I didn't see anyone from my group so I went home, haha.

And that's that!

68

2011-03-10T00:12:00.002Z

Didn't go into uni today - I was just too tired for it. SO exhausted from yesterday. But feel a little bit better now. Maybe I'm on my way to get ill again? I hope not.
I had a breakthrough in my research today which feels great!

Had a coffee with Thom which is always nice, and then we went home to "our" bed as he so lovely now calls His bed :)))) Did work up 'til now, and now I need to sleep.

And these blogposts need to be SO much more entertaining.

67

2011-03-08T23:44:00.003Z

From today's workshop - happy faces!

So, as I mentioned in the earlier blogpost, it has been a sunny and worm and lovely day! Came in to uni early, was a biiiiit reluctant towards this workshop, but it turned out to be really good (even though I skipped the afternoon session; I'm going to rent a camera out and try it out myself instead. We're way to many people in our class for everyone to have a proper go).

My mood was still up by lunchtime and I was looking forward to leaving for the gym. But as I sat in the digital scanning room talking to B&B I got this very strong feeling of sadness coming over me. It hit me so hard and SO fast. My mood came down to zero and I'm totally drained at the moment!
Something is taking all of my energy from me, and something is making me sad. But I have no idea why?!?!

I managed to do some sketchbook work tonight though, but I'm not sure if I'm going in to uni tomorrow. I feel so tired and sad at the moment so I don't know if it's worth it. Something is wrong.

6th sence? Or something like it?

2011-03-08T18:56:00.003Z

Well I don't know what it is, but it's starting to get on my nerves..
I was in a REALLY good mood today: sun was shining, you can smell spring and summer
in the air, flowers and greens everywhere.. We had a great large format camera workshop as well.

And then, from NOWHERE, this strong feeling came over me and I got so sad. It all happened very quick and I've been having this strange, strong sensation of sadness since.
I don't know where it came from, I don't know why I'm feeling sad, because I certainly don't have a reason to be.

I read somewhere a few months ago that some people are very sensitive to other people's feelings. If they walk in to a room with lots of people in it, they automatically adapt all of the feelings there and the strongest one stands out, and this sensitive person feels it just as strong as the "original host".

If I'm one of them.. Cool. BUT, annoying.

66

2011-03-07T23:42:00.001Z

Photographer Jo Longhurst ( http://www.jolonghurst.com/docs/projects_list.php ) was today's lectures guest artist for our new project "Cultures of Nature". She inspired us with her amazing photographs and research about Man and Dog - a very intelligent woman.

A sunny day - sunglasses on!!! Was about to fall asleep in class this morning but woke up in time for Jo's talk (luckily!).
Skipped the afternoon session and did some research in the library instead. I then went home and have been working on my Self Directed since then. Not a very eventful day, BUT, I am starting another blog with updates on my Self Directed project which I will link to later. It's sort of like a diary, but not at all like this blog.

FIN Oslo

2011-03-07T18:24:00.001Z

L

2011-03-07T13:56:00.002Z

it's interesting, fascinating, and quite worrying at times, how love gives you the energy to do what you need to do.
and how it also drags you down to the deepest of darkness and prevents you from doing what you need to do.

a simple text just made me forget my hunger, hangover, sleep deprivation and stress.

65

2011-03-06T23:32:00.002Z

Pancake Cake :D

So, a year older. And a year... Wiser?
Yeah, probably. After looking back a few years tonight I realised that I have changed a lot.
It doesn't feel like it, sometimes I think that I'm still 15..
It has been a good day, after all.
It didn't have a great start, but sometimes things gets mistaken and it doesn't always go as planned.
I did have an awesome lunch at Slug & Lettuce though, a nice coffee break and 20 minutes of sauna after that.
We then went back home for a nap and some pancake cake, and then off to the Albion for a couple of pints and a nice chat.

I am, btw, overwhelmed by all of the birthday wishes I've got today! Amazing. And I love THOMAS NORTHROP so much it's insane :)

Got a call from my dear aunt and grandmother today as well. It was nice. I think I miss home. Even Thom pointed out today that I've been speaking about Sweden quite a lot in the past few weeks. I haven't noticed, but I felt it today, Hencethe bad start, I think.

But thanks for a lovely 23rd birthday, I hope next year will be as amazing :)

64

2011-03-05T13:02:00.003Z

"You smell of weed."
"Weed? That's weird, because I had a dream last night that we were smoking a lot of weed. It was red."

It's good to have you back<3
I was planning on waking up early this morning so I would have the whole day to do work. And I did wake up early, but fell back to sleep again. It's weird, because I knew that Thom would be back in Farnham around 8.30 this morning, and without setting the alarm and not having my phone on I still woke up at 8.29. I think it's quite fascinating how the mind/body can, subconciously, know what time it is.
I was awake until he got back, and then fell back asleep again. I guess I still have to get used to, or allowing myself to, sleep in during the weekends without getting stressed over work.

I'm going to try to work for a few hours non stop and then meet up with Ozzie for a session at the gym.
Happy Saturday (It's my birthday tomorrow!!)

63

2011-03-05T02:30:00.002Z

I had SO much fun last night! Probably because I finally gave myself permission to actually let go and have fun for once.
Wasen't that much fun to wake up today though.. A banging headache and I was freezing. Thom left early this morning so I had no one there to warm me up either. Anyway, I stayed in bed until 6pm when I went next door for pizza and movie-watching with Ozzie.

It was a chilled and relaxed day, but I NEVER want to be this hungover again. I wasted the whole day on doing nothing, when I could've done work.
But it's nice to have those days as well :)

62

2011-03-04T20:33:00.002Z

A day late again, haha, I'm so bad at this! But didn't have any time yesterday to blog.. I was working from home with my Self Directed project. I'm getting really in to it, which is good. It's going to take up so much of my time though, and I have 2 other projects to do plus my personal ones and social life.. I'm going to have to be awake for 6 weeks straight. Or, that's how it feels anyway.

We had a quick session at the gym and then went back home to get ready for the SU. Happy thursday!

61

2011-03-03T12:09:00.002Z

Trying out the uni's neg scanner for the first time - it's like magic!

A day late with this blog post (again!) but oh well. Yesterday was fun, and with the risk of sounding like a HUGE nerd, I have to say that the excitement and happiness I feel everytime the developed negative comes out from the C-41 machine is.. Amazing!!! I think this is because it feels like something homemade.. You have done everything yourself, and when the result is good.. That feeling is better than everything good in this world (almost).

We then went on to try the neg scanners for the first time, and those are just pure magic. We did almost break one of them though (ooops) but it survived (thank god!).

After that I went to the gym to sweat out some bad energy to give space for some creative thinking. And you know what? It worked! When I came back home I started to write the brief for my Self Directed project, and I got the best ideas ever and if everything goes as planned this project is going to be awesome!

60

2011-03-02T00:33:00.002Z

Had my City Project review today, and it went really good! Got some good feedback and comments, so I'm happy.
Went to the gym for the first time in ages today, and I feel that I'm gonna be very sore tomorrow. But it's good, I'm gonna start to go regularly again now.

Nicole came over to my house and we watched the film 'Little Miss Sunshine'. Such a good film! (Have to remember the name 'Turtletaube').

59

2011-03-02T00:29:00.002Z

Books and research and work and research. That's what my days are like at the moment. I feel as if I have no time for anything else. Had my deadline for the City Project this day. Review tomorrow.

58

2011-03-02T00:18:00.003Z

Bye Exeter, I hope I'll see you soon. We got invited to come again in the summer, to my excitement. I think I would love it there in the summer.

The train journey back was sooooooooo long, and it didn't help that 2 VERY annoying kids came and sat next to us for the last hour. Or, one of them switched places with Thom so she could sit next to the window, and the guy sat beside me on the outside. So they were talking across us. Very loudly about their dark minds and mental instability. But, how annoying it might've been, it was very interesting to listen to so I had to record some of their conversation. It's on my iphone. Might post it on a later date.

Thom turned 23 this day. I wish I could've given him something special, but it's hard to be a poor arts student nowadays.

57

2011-03-02T00:03:00.003Z

Wake up to the sound of the rain. Fall back asleep. Wake up two hours later to the warmth of the sun. Go for lunch at Thoms' mum's. Walk around Exeter in the sun. It's too warm for a jacket in the sun. Drink coffee. Walk around some more in a big garden. Go to an antique shop. Found a lovely old bird cage. It was too expensive. Have a coffee in the sun. Watch the swans. Loving Exeter. Go back home. Do some work. Get ready for dinner. Go to Exmouth. Meet up with the family. Eat a lovely dinner. Surprise cake. Family photos. Free cocktail. American diner. Go back home. Finish off the beers. Serious talks. Love. Sleep.

56

2011-03-01T23:45:00.003Z

on the train down to Exeter. That little girl was the cutest ever, and brought many smiles to me and Thom.

This morning was the worst morning I've had in a long time.
Nothing seemed right and I couldn't stop crying.
I was worried about myself, and just as I was about to leave, T kissed my forehead and said that we will go down to Exeter, relax and have a good time.
Which was exactly what I needed.

The train journey was long, and I forgot my Swedish tobacco in Farnham.. Panic!! But I survived (haha, yes, I have a VERY addictive personality). Did some research for my City project and it was all good.

When we finally arrived in Exeter it was dark and very windy, but I could smell the sea and I instantly felt like I was home. And that feeling never escaped me during the whole weekend.
Met Thom's dad for the first time, which of course made me very nervous and shy (I didn't want to make a bad impression), but he was easy to talk to and very interesting so it was all fine.
We got some beer (by 'some' I mean about 30 bottles of it) and went back to their house.
The house is amazing and very cosy with a fireplace, a piano, spacey rooms and a double bed (!!!!!) in Thoms' room.. Amazing.

Thoms' dad made us dinner, he then left and Thoms' mate came over. All we did really was drinking beer, talking, playing cards and we also watched the film "Devil" which was... Interesting.

I love Exeter.

55

2011-03-01T23:25:00.003Z

from our "How to Research" workshop - my idea or theme for our Self Directed project is about identity, and will (hopefully) end up in a study about the differences between male and female thinking.

Holy crap!!! I'm SOOOO behind on blogging.. Sorry about that, but I have been ridiculusly busy with uni work, personal work and life..
But I promised myself to take some time off everyday to blog my 365 project and write stuff down for myself.. I have been taking photos, I just haven't had time to blog.
Anyway,

this day I woke up feeling really happy! The sun was shining, I had had a good night's sleep, and I was gonna go to Exeter the day after with Thom to meet his family and celebrate his 23rd birthday.
I had a workshop I had already done (again!) on researching, but actually managed to get something out of it. My mate filled me in on the latest drama in his house, and I have to say that i really don't want anything to do with it anymore - I had enough of it last year!

And then... Reality came back to get me, and money NEVER stops to be a problem for me.. Another one of my housemates is leaving the house, even though we have SO much to sort out, so many bills to pay, money has gone missing, misunderstandings, fights, tears.. It is so stressful, and something we really don't need ATM.

So the rest of that beautiful day turned into hell, so badly that I almost lost a friend and partner all in one day.

54

2011-02-23T23:31:00.002Z

I have photos from today, but they're nothing exciting, so I decided to show a photo from the Jaeger London show instead. I loved this model, she was so pretty and always came out in the coolest outfits!

Haven't done much today, other than sleeping and finishing my PowerPoint presentation for monday's deadline.. Not too sure about it though, so I'll have to work on it during the weekend in Exeter. It's Thom's birthday on sunday, so we're going to meet up with his family for a meal :)

Need to sleep now, but since I slept for too long today and aren't tired, I think I'm gonna watch Paranormal Activity 2 instead.

53

2011-02-22T18:58:00.003Z

This is an outtake from today's shoot with designer Margo Chamberlain. It was a great shoot; very simple set up, but I think that suits this kind of shoot perfectly (it is the hats that's the most important thing here after all).
The model was very easy to work with, and we all got along really well (I think we spent more time drinking coffee and talking than actually taking photos, haha!).
I got paid as well, and that's always a plus :)

I was so tired when I came back home (I stayed up really late yesterday, editing photos from London Fashion Week, and didn't hear the alarm this morning) so I had to take a 2 hour nap, hehe. So I've just started to go through the images from today.

I'm going over to a friend's house soon to drink some wine and do work!

I've uploaded some photos from the Jaeger London Spring/Summer 2011 show on Flickr now. You can see them here .

52

2011-02-21T23:00:00.003Z

Work work work. And some more work. The image above shows my Berlin images for the City Project.
I'm going through all my finished photos from both Berlin and London, laying them out on the floor to see which ones work together, what order they should be in, if I should mix them or keep them as a clear LONDON/BERLIN division etc.
Also trying to figure out a title.
Deadline is next monday, so this week is all about this project.

Almost.

I have a shoot with designer Margo Chamberlain tomorrow - she designs the most beautiful hats, and now she's looking to sell them on her webiste (will link to her as soon as the images are up) so she put together this shoot with a agent represented model, and I got the honour to be the photographer. I'm very excited about this and think the images will look great when we're done!
She has about 20 hats that she wants me to photograph, so she's scheduled the shoot to 4 hours.

Me and Thom have also gone through our finances and have made a budget we need to follow very strict now! We have NO money at all :s
I'm gonna have to get a job ASAP and I'm also gonna try and sell some of my prints (if any of you are interested in buying one from my portfolio http://sabinahannila.daportfolio.com let me know!). I'm sure we'll be fine, it's just very stressful knowing that you don't have any money to live off.

Oh, and I went in to the college office today to speak to them about the (clear) mistake they've made: sending me a letter saying that I haven't handed in the studio project, so I now have to do a retake. Even though I handed it in, got slaughtered in the assessment, and then got my feedback sheet with the mark on it saying that I passed.
I showed them the feedback sheet and the letter they sent me, and they said that the unit leader had signed a letter saying that I didn't hand it in.. WTF?!
They said they would speak to him and that I should ignore the letter for now.. I hope they sort it out.

Anyway, I'm gonna go through some of the Catwalk photos now, and then go to sleep. Early start tomorrow!

51

2011-02-20T22:49:00.002Z

Press pass. Hell yeah!

What a loooooong but good day! Got up at 7am so I'm pretty knackerd now. But it was worth it.
Thom came with me, and I dragged him around London so i could finish my City project. Took some images of Big Ben and Buckingham Palace, and then the National Gallery. I really like them, so I hope my tutor will say that they go well with the Berlin photos in my tutorial tomorrow.

When I was done we met up with Thom's friends and walked (rushed) to Somerset House. I was a bit late, so I really thought they would start without me (it clearly said in the papers we were given that it was VERY important that we were on time because of the tight schedule), but it was fine; they hadn't started yet. Puh.

After I signed all the papers and got my press pass there was a whole lot of waiting. One and a half hours waiting to be exact. But we got some good advice from Professional Photographer Magazine's editor, and he said that he's really thankful that so many turned up because the standard of the competition entries were really high, and a guy from Canon gave me some tips on what settings to use during a Catwalk shoot (thanks for that, it was really helpful!).

The show started at 7pm and was over at 7.20pm. Very quick, but it was fun! Really a great experience and I got many photos that I'm really proud of. When I was on my way out I stopped to thank the editor for this opportunity, and said that I got some really good photos. And he said that I should upload them to the magazine's website, and "we'll se what happens"! Maybe (hopefully) someone with jobs will see them (hehehe, dreaming).

I'll show some of the photos at a later date, but right now I have to go through the City project photos and sleep.

50

2011-02-20T00:44:00.002Z

All prepared for London tomorrow. Going in there at 10am, find some buildings I want to photograph for the City Project, then meet up with Thom's mates and then go to Somerset House and get down to buisness. Exciting!

Today has been a very stressful day. Mostly because of money. I have none. And the bills are getting way too expensive now that 2 of our housemates are leaving, the rent is too much and I don't have a job. Great.
I also got a letter from the uni saying that I haven't handed in the studio project and that my mark is 0%.. WTF?! I have a mark sheet saying that i clearly passed.

This is making me so stressed. Fuck.

49

2011-02-19T18:50:00.003Z

it's so misty almost every night.. i really should plan a shoot with a model in the mist.

Ah, didn't have ANY time to update the blog yesterday.. I was in uni until 5pm, and then had to rest for a bit before I went to a friend's house for a few drinks. I wanted to go to the SU with them, but I didn't feel very well so I decided to go home and sleep (=watch a horror film directed by a guy who graduated from UCA. 'Monsters', quite a good film).
I think that was a good decision, since I have to get up early tomorrow morning and go to London; finish my City Project and then head of to Somerset House and London Fashion week.

I'm not at all nervous at the moment. I'm quite surprised with myself, I Always get nervous before things like this. And this is a HUGE opportunity for me (in my opinion), it's something that could really boost my career if I'm lucky. I'll probably get very nervous tomorrow though.

48

2011-02-17T20:39:00.002Z

Heads...

Today has been a long, but satisfying day. Went in to uni early this morning to write a project
proposal, and then had a tutorial.. My tutor Always asks me to share my ideas last in a group tutorial.. No matter what direction he might go, clockwise or counterclockwise, he always changes direction when he gets to me. So I always have to sit there for longest and be nervous about speaking in front of people.

Anyway, needed to change my idea for the self directed project slightly, because my tutor said that since it's such a personal project that's mainly aimed for myself, it might get boring for others to watch. So I had to find a way to engage the audience. I think I came up with something good. Only time will tell.

Then I had a InDesign workshop which proved to be very useful - what an amazing tool for making your own books!

Very tired and hungry which left me in a bad mood when I came home, but that changed fast when I went through my emails, and saw that my image "Summer" had won Professional Photographer's 'Shoot the Catwalk/London Fashion Week Competition" !!! :D So now I get to go to Somerset House in London on Sunday to shoot the Jaeger London show! How amazing? VERY amazing.

Professional Photographer's "Shoot the Catwalk/London Fashion Week Competition"

2011-02-17T19:53:00.003Z

So, the magazine 'Professional Photographer' had a competition where the prize is to go to London this Sunday (the 20th of February) to shoot the Jaeger London Spring/Summer 2011 Catwalk show and rehearsal.

I entered with this image

And today I received an email from Eleanor O'Kane (Deputy Editor, Professional Photographer Magazine) saying that my entry was successful and that they chose my image from "over 150 images".

WOW!

I'm amazed. And SO happy. This might just be the breakthrough I've been working so hard for. Maybe. I just need to do a damn good job first. And network witht he other photographers/models/stylists/designers/other creatives there.

I wish that I'd got my buisness card sorted before this... And my portfolio. Oh well.

YAY!

47

2011-02-16T22:50:00.003Z

My last day as a sick person (I hope!)
Haven't done much today either, just concentrating on getting better.
Except for the walk to the garage with Thom (where today's image is from).

I'm feeling rather trapped. I want to do something that opens me up again.
See something new.
Get inspired and awed.

"None of these boys can dance
Not a single one of them stand a chance
All of them girls a mess
I've seen it all before, I'm not impressed

None of them get my sex
None of them move my intellect
None of them work for me
None of them make me feel anything

I'm so bored in this town
Take me away from here
Play some kind of new sound
Something true and sincere
I've got a little girl singing on repeat in my head

None of dem get my stance
None of dem do it like I can
None of these chicks got style
None of these drugs get me high

None of these beats are raw
None of these beats ever break the law
None of them kicks go boom
None of them bass lines fill the room"
(Robyn - None of Dem)

So true.

46

2011-02-15T23:05:00.002Z

God, I'm so ill. If I wasn't this ill, I promise you that you would get more interesting things to read about and better photos to look at (I like this photo of Thom though).

I wanted to stay in bed all day, but had to go in for a tutorial. It went well, I got some clarity on what I should do for my city project and got to see some really lovely images taken by other people on my course. Everyone's so talented!

What I need to do now is plan a trip to London this weekend so I can continue my city project, I also need to do a LOT of research for it and my self directed project, I also need to prepare for the shoot with the designer which is coming up in a week.

Another thing I wanted to share with you is this:
My friends from the band Shallow Sense ( http://shallowsense.com/ ) have used me as their photographer since 2008, and now when they're about to release their new EP (which has my images on the cover, back and CD) they've released a YouTube teaser with my images as a slideshow. You can see the teaser here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCyhG028AfI .

I think you all should click on the link and have a look - they're an amazing band, and i feel so privileged to be their photographer.

45

2011-02-15T00:01:00.003Z

Valentine's day.
Woke up feeling as ill as yesterday, but had to go in to town to buy some lovely flowers for Thom :)
Then spent the rest of the day watching True Blood, and pub with Thom.
Met some strange, old man who's lived in Farnham all his life.. WHY?!?!?!
Anyway.. I feel as if this blog is coming to a dead end.. I'm too stressed to write meaningful thoughts on here everyday that goes with my photos.. I'm not too sure what to do.
I want this blog to be a way for me to remember each day (I'm just too lazy to write it all down) but I also want an "artistic blog" where I can post my good photos and "deeper" thoughts..
Something to think about.

44

2011-02-13T22:57:00.002Z

I woke up feeling like death. Partly because I went to the pub yesterday with Ozzie and Nicole, and partly because of the sore throat and fever.
So, all I've done today is watching True Blood in bed. Not very exciting. Managed to take "self-portrait" in the window.